


Praying (for your protection)

by PhantomFlutist



Category: Chinese Actor RPF, EXO (Band), The Great Wall (2017)
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M, That's it, basically i punch you right in the feels, that's the whole fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 20:25:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12417525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomFlutist/pseuds/PhantomFlutist
Summary: In the Nameless Order, trust is everything. So Xiumin will do his duty - even if it means saying goodbye to the person he cares for the most.





	Praying (for your protection)

**Author's Note:**

> I started planning this fic right after I saw the movie in the theater and then I didn't finish it until recently. If you've seen the movie, you shouldn't be terribly surprised by the ending.
> 
> Also listen I know Luhan's character had a name in the movie but for the purposes of this fic I'm using his real name. Just go with it. Thanks.
> 
> Much love to R & R, my patient amazing betas who let me scream at them about this fic and celebrated with me when I finally finished it. I love you guys!

 

When the call to battle sounds, Xiumin joins his rank on the wall. His bow is only one of many, but he was raised to believe that even one man can change the tide of a battle. He has trained his whole life for this, as have they all. He will not fail.

Behind him the foreigners sit against the wall, guarded by a handful of foot-soldiers. Luhan is among them—Xiumin caught no more than a glance of him as he passed, but it was enough. There, hopefully, Luhan will be safe. It is a selfish thing to wish for, in the midst of a battle that he knows will claim many lives, but he cannot help praying to the gods for Luhan’s protection.

Xiumin trained his whole life in preparation for this, and yet when the swarm appears along the horizon a swoop of fear settles low in his belly. He spent years imagining this moment, and still nothing could have prepared him for this.

There are so many of them. They stretch on as far as the eye can see—a massive horde that only grows the longer they watch. And then the ring of fire, and Xiumin feels grim satisfaction fill him, guiding him to draw his bow.

At the order, a volley of arrows flies, and his with it. _“Aim for their eyes!”_ the Commander calls, and the instruction is echoed down the ranks.

Xiumin’s arrows are loosed, and the Tao Tei fall.

There is no stopping their advance, no holding them back. Theirs is a losing battle, one that has been waged for centuries with no end in sight. All they can do is keep their country safe. All they can do is prepare the next generation to do it again in sixty years.

When the wall falls to chaos and ranks are broken, when the Tao Tei surge right over their greatest protection as though it were a mere pile of rocks, Xiumin loses himself in the fight for survival.

It is only chance, then, that he sees Luhan rush a Tao Tei with only a spear. It strikes the monster’s flank and has no effect, except possibly to anger it.

As Luhan cowers, Xiumin scrambles with his bow. He has only one arrow left near him and the beast is facing the wrong direction. He can distract it, but without a way to kill it he will die. He is prepared to die, for Luhan.

And then the foreigner rushes in and saves Luhan’s life. He saves Luhan’s life and Xiumin could cry with relief, feels it surging through him and making him sloppy. He misses the second Tao Tei that comes, and it is only because of the foreigner’s quick wit and skills with a bow that it does not kill them all.

In what seems like moments, it is over. The hoard retreats and for a moment silence falls.

And then the General comes. He gives orders and they are obeyed—the cleaning begins, weapons are gathered and tended, and for a time Xiumin can lose himself in the work.

He is not fool enough to believe that this is the end. The Tao Tei will return—and the Nameless Order will be ready.

\---

Xiumin sees nothing of Luhan until much later—until he has been released from duty, until he has washed and dressed and joined his company at the banquet, until the foreigner has been honored and shown off his prowess with a bow and the rest of the formalities have been completed.

Xiumin could never, in a thousand lifetimes, match the foreigner’s archery skills, and it makes some part of him burn with fury. He has trained his entire life to do one thing, and one thing only—but then, he supposes, the foreigner likely has as well.

The anger is tamped down when Luhan finds him amongst the mingling soldiers, sinks down onto the bench beside him and murmurs quietly, “You fought well, Archer.”

Xiumin cannot help a soft chuckle, even though his throat rasps from shouting on the wall. “And you served admirably, Soldier,” he replies.

Luhan offers him a soft, bashful smile and reaches for the nearest bowl, as though food were the foremost thing on either of their minds. They eat in quiet companionship for a time.

When both of them have had their fill, and when Xiumin’s company has begun to disperse, Luhan taps his knee once and rises. He strides out of the banquet hall with his head up and his eyes down, moving with purpose as though he is going to some important task. Say what you will of Luhan’s skills, of his training, but he has certainly learned his position well enough.

For a few moments more Xiumin sits, half-heartedly waving off the invitations of other members of his company to join them for conversation, for a game. He begs fatigue and an early watch, both things that they can understand well, and he is left to himself. Finally, he rises and follows Luhan’s path out of the hall.

Almost the moment he walks into the small storage room, Luhan is upon him, tugging at the edges of his armor and pulling him into a rough, excited kiss.

Laughing, from relief and joy and disbelief at the day they have just survived, Xiumin threads a hand through Luhan’s helmet-mussed hair and returns the kiss with matching fervor.

They have to stop after only a few moments more, Xiumin’s armor too much of an inconvenience. Luhan’s armor has already been removed, laid carefully on a crate in the corner. It leaves him in only his soft cotton underclothes, with his hair loosed from its usual topknot and floating softly about his face.

“Help me with these,” Xiumin breathes, struggling with the buckles of his breastplate, giggling helplessly when his fingers fumble and lose their grip yet again.

Luhan bats his hands away and does it himself, first removing his cloak and setting it carefully aside, and then releasing the buckles in a few easy movements and tugging the breastplate from Xiumin’s body. He chuckles at Xiumin’s sigh of relief and lays the breastplate on a crate next to his own. Tugging Xiumin’s helmet off his head, he sets that down as well.

“I have missed you,” Xiumin murmurs, capturing Luhan around the waist and kissing him softly before he can finish his work.

Luhan smiles that bashful smile once more and turns a little to press his flushed cheek against Xiumin’s. “I have missed you as well, Minseok,” he whispers. He only uses that name when they are alone, when there is no chance of being overheard.

Xiumin is not as sensitive about it as he once was, many years ago. It is fairly common knowledge amid his company, after all. But for much of his childhood it felt shameful, to use that name for any reason.

He was born Kim Minseok, the bastard child of a Chinese nobleman and his mistress, a woman from the Eastern Peninsula. In many ways, he is as much a foreigner as the Western man who saved Luhan’s life today. But Xiumin has earned his place here, and he is as much a native as any other member of the Nameless Order. He no longer feels shame at his origins.

With a kiss to Luhan’s neck, Xiumin pulls back to remove his own bracers, to lean down and pull off his leg guards as well. When finally he is free of his armor, clothed only in soft cotton clothing and the well-oiled leather of his boots, he falls together with Luhan to the little pallet of blankets that they have slowly pilfered over the years.

Luhan laughs with pure joy and litters kisses across all the exposed bits of Xiumin’s skin. “I nearly died today,” he says.

“But you did not.” Xiumin clutches him close, assuring himself that Luhan is real and alive and here with him.

“No, I did not,” Luhan agrees. He drops one of those sweet, wet kisses to Xiumin’s mouth and laughs at the way his face goes slack in pleasure. “I intend to celebrate this blessing.”

Xiumin threads his fingers through Luhan’s silky hair and murmurs, “To living another day, then.”

More laughter, and Luhan mimes lifting a glass. “To living another day,” he repeats, and then leans back down to lick into Xiumin’s mouth in celebration.

\---

Their General is dead. General Shao is dead and Commander Lin has taken up his mantle and the Nameless Order is committed to a fool’s errand in an attempt to stop the Tao Tei before they kill everyone and everything in their path.

Xiumin can only do his duty. He has no choice but to stand beside his brothers-in-arms at the edge of the wall and commit himself to this fool’s errand the way he committed himself to every order that General Shao gave. _Trust_. The Nameless Order is nothing without trust.

General Lin has a plan. If the gods are willing, it will not fail.

It is too quiet. A fog has settled over everything and yet the silence feels thicker and more stifling. Xiumin has to fight not to shift uneasily. He cannot help thinking about where he was, what he was doing while the General rode out with a company from the Deer Troop and straight into an ambush.

There is no shame in what he and Luhan were doing. Same-sex relationships are accepted and even encouraged in the Nameless Order—they are soldiers first and foremost, but if they must seek pleasure or love in the arms of another, any relationship that has no risk of unplanned pregnancy is far preferable.

No member of the Eagle Troop was even with the General last night. There was nothing he could have done even had he been with the rest of his company. He puts his guilt over this failure—for that is where it truly lies, in the failure to save the General—aside, knowing that in just minutes, they will be under siege. Distraction right now cannot be tolerated, in any form.

The crash of breaking pottery slices through the quiet of the air. Xiumin fears he knows the cause before he has even looked up, but sure enough there is Luhan, standing at the base of a ladder with shards of broken china scattered at his feet amidst the sickly yellow of the sleeping potion they were spreading on the tips of harpoons to capture the Tao Tei.

There is nothing Xiumin can do for him, no way to soften the blow as Luhan’s superior snaps at him to return to the kitchen where he belongs. He can only watch him bow stiffly and do as he’s told.

A few moments later, the foreigner quietly picks up his weapon and begins walking in the same direction as Luhan, but Xiumin says nothing. Like him, the others ignore it. It is not their place to speak up, and if the foreigner chooses to be a coward and refuses to fight beside them, then there is little anyone could say to change his mind.

Xiumin sees him go and he stays silent, stays attentive to his position and his duty. And then the fighting starts, and there are more important things to worry about than a coward.

He pushes Luhan, also, to the back of his mind. There is no time for love right now, no time for emotions at all. It is all they can do to keep fighting, to capture a Tao Tei as General Lin planned, and to keep the foolish foreigner alive when he throws himself into danger to ensure that their mission is successful.

Perhaps he is not such a coward after all.

\---

Xiumin slips away as soon as he is able, following the battle. There are tasks that he should get to—tending his bow and his armor, working beside the rest of his company to do the tasks that keep their army functioning—but he cannot help making a short detour down to the kitchens.

Luhan is alone, cleaning and stacking bowls so carefully. There is an apron around his waist, over his armor. He still wears even his helmet, as though prepared to return to the fighting at a moment’s notice.

Xiumin’s heart swells with affection behind his ribs and he knocks softly on the doorway.

When Luhan looks up and sees him standing there, the smile that blooms across his face is immediate and breathtaking. “Did the fighting go well?” he asks.

Xiumin nods. “The Nameless Order has brought honor to our country once again,” he answers evenly, “and the mission was successful.”

“I am glad,” Luhan replies. He wrings the cloth in his hands for a moment. “And I am glad that you are safe,” he adds. “Is that selfish of me?”

“Not at all,” Xiumin replies, pushing off from the doorjamb and striding further into the room. “Selfishly, a part of me was glad that you were sent down here. Even though it was a punishment.”

When he is near enough, Luhan reaches out and cups Xiumin’s neck, one of the few places where any skin is exposed when he is in full armor. Luhan’s skin is slightly damp and cool, his fingers shriveled from being in the wash water for so long. “I do not blame you,” he says. “If I could ensure the same for you, I would do it.”

“We have a duty to our country,” Xiumin reminds him.

“I know,” Luhan replies. They both know that as much as they might desire it, they cannot always protect one another. It is why they have taken every spare moment together that they can find, always greedy for each other, greedy for more.

It is why Xiumin tugs Luhan down towards him and kisses him on the mouth. Their helmets clink together slightly but if Xiumin tilts his head to the side just right there is enough room for their lips to meet.

Luhan returns the kiss, a needy little whimper escaping him as he does so. It has been only hours since last they were like this but the more they are allowed to have the more Xiumin finds himself craving. If it were his choice, he and Luhan would never be parted. He is greedy, and it will be his downfall.

\---

The foreigners have betrayed them, but the one they call William was left behind, and Luhan saved his life. Perhaps it was repayment for the life-debt that he owed; Xiumin knows that he would have done the same, to repay the man for saving Luhan.

But there is no time to ponder it further, no time for anything else, because the Tao Tei have breached the wall and are already on their way to the capital, and General Lin has called for the balloons.

Xiumin does his duty.

He does his duty and he leaves Luhan behind, just grateful that Luhan will be safe at the wall.

Luhan is _safe_.

As the balloons fall one by one from the sky and the air around him is rent with the screams of his comrades, Xiumin sets his eyes towards the capital and does his duty.

As they reach the capital and realize that it is too late, that the city is overrun and not enough of their soldiers have made it for there to be any chance of stopping the invasion, Xiumin takes up his bow and does his duty.

_Luhan is safe. Luhan is safe. Luhan is safe._

It is this mantra that carries him through. Xiumin is likely to die doing his duty, but at the wall Luhan has a chance. He has a chance to live.

Xiumin does not know how they make it through, how they manage to survive and meet with General Lin and the foreigner and Strategist Wang and…and Luhan. Luhan who came with them like a fool, who stands there amid the wreckage of the city with his face sweat-soaked and dirty and somehow he scrounges up a smile for Xiumin.

They are taken to the palace and a plan is contrived. Of the huge company of soldiers that were sent, only eighteen have made it to the capital alive. Most of them are from Eagle Troop—archers, like Xiumin.

He is left with the Emperor, to assist the palace guard. While Xiumin sits behind high walls with a pile of arrows at his feet, Luhan follows General Lin into the sewers. He could not even beg Luhan not to go, could not kiss him once more before he left. He could not make Luhan promise to come back to him.

Xiumin is safe. And he prays to the gods for Luhan’s protection.

\---

Xiumin pushes to the front of the crowd, heedless of the other soldiers around him and the Tao Tei bodies littering the ground. There are no ranks, and no one is shouting orders. Most of their army has fallen and somehow they have come out the victors anyway.

General Lin stands there, in the midst of the motionless horde, her distinctive blue armor glistening in the sun. Beside her the foreigner stands tall, the Eagle Troop breastplate settled so well on his shoulders that it is as though he has worn it all his life. General Lin told the Emperor that he was one of their own, and Xiumin can see it now.

Luhan had been with them. His black armor should be easy to spot amongst all the red and gold, but Xiumin cannot see him.

“Luhan!” he calls, aware how desperate he sounds. He should be paying his respects to the General, but instead he can barely meet her eyes.

The foreigner’s face goes soft, in a look that Xiumin knows all too well.

General Lin steps forward, clasps Xiumin’s shoulders in both hands, and forces him to look her in the eye. “I am sorry, Xiumin,” she says to him, her words both too formal and not formal enough. “He died with honor. He saved us all.”

“No,” Xiumin says. He finds himself on his knees on the blood-soaked ground and has no recollection of putting himself there. He cannot hear, or see, or think. He is not even certain that he is breathing. Her words repeat themselves like a mantra in his head until it becomes only: _Luhan is dead. Luhan is dead. Luhan is dead._

It cannot be. Luhan cannot be gone. Xiumin cannot be alone.

\---

The gods sent the Tao Tei to remind the people what happens when humans allow themselves to be consumed by greed. Luhan died because of their greed for each other, and so Kim Minseok vows to himself and to the gods that he will never be greedy again.

When William leaves China and returns to the West with his friend and an escort from the Deer Troop, Minseok will be with him. William has promised to teach him English and to train him in his techniques with a bow.

The journey will take six months, and Minseok does not yet know if he plans to return or if he, like Tovar, will remain in the West for good.

General Lin has granted him release from his service, if he wishes it. And there is nothing left for Minseok in China—Luhan is dead, and the Tao Tei are gone, and there is so little left to protect their country against.

Perhaps the best thing he can do for his people is to learn more about these lands to the West, and someday return to his country with greater wisdom and understanding. Perhaps, given time, he can become an asset once more, rather than a liability.

In the Nameless Order, trust was everything. But Minseok cannot feel anything at all, anymore.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [Tumblr](http://phantomflutist.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/PhantomFlutist) if you want updates, rambling, random anecdotes about the stupid shit I get up to and probably a bunch of random stuff thrown in. Also feel free to come talk to me. I'm friendly, I promise.


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